I am coming to understand that I cannot rely on a church or community to fulfill my needs of companionship and support. All things are transient, passing, temporary. People who are in my life at will not always be there. Seasons come and seasons go.
Perhaps my discontentment and pain this whole time was expecting that a person or church family would fill those needs.
But what now that I live far away? What now that I have been placed in isolation and separated from community? What of my prayer for a spiritual mentor? At the end of the day, what’s my answer when nothing comes to pass? How can I continue to lie to myself when I leave feeling dissatisfied? Do I continue to desire what I do not have or do I reevaluate my expectations?
Neither can I ascribe any meaning to my life based on accomplishment or a life goal. All of it is passing, and the legacy of both men both great and poor fade away into nothingness. Even those we remember in history we recall based on an image or interpretation of their life, we will never know who they really were.
All joyful experiences come to an end, the end of all men is death. We smile, we laugh and keep busy, but behind it is a mask of denial and distraction we create to avoid facing the horrifying, looming specter of meaninglessness. It’s comical madness that we were created with a desire for meaning yet we are born in such a world where everything seems so meaningless. Then again, what man can even understand objective purpose assigned to his own life? What man can even truthfully define what satisfies him?
The only one who will always be there is God. He is the only one that can satisfy us; He is the only one who even knows our own intimate definition of satisfaction. Outside of Him there is no meaning, there is no purpose, there is no hope, there is no life. Accomplishment and success brings only temporary joy. The companionship of others is fleeting. They’re all just shadows of what we long for but can never find. How tortured an existence we would live if it were not for the sometimes faint but never far, always present light of God. The first step to satisfaction is recognizing its source.
Your character falls into the “friend zone” - Is this primarily a man’s problem, or are women put in the friend zone as well? x
I will live in the fullness of today, and though life is serious I will not take it too seriously. I must adapt new mindsets for the season at hand.
I will cast off fear and burden, and live obedience from my identity without needing to strive.
What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food,and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good[b] is that?So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar?You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works;23 and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God.You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone.And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way?For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.
My identity is still based on my performance and my ability to be an asset…
I don’t know how to change that….
Sometimes, “I don’t know” is the best you can do.
There is no more bitter a drink than loneliness.
On the surface, I have judged in my heart many of my coworkers after seeing their habits and ways of speaking. However, after catching glimpses of their pain and inner anguish, my heart is simply grieved. How much we need God…